Wednesday, July 26, 2017

"I'd Love to Feel Your Lips Wrapped Around My Cock," Is This Why My Press Release was Declined?

1888PressRelease - Your press release "Greg Groovie Makes No Apologies for His Offensive Psychological Dark Horror Novel, Wee Wee's World" has been declined

I recently submitted a press release for my book Wee Wee's World.  It got declined.  Why?  I have my suspicions.  Maybe it wasn't newsworthy or formatted wrong.  Maybe I listed it under the wrong category. 
No, I think it was probably because of my quote from the book, "I'd love to feel your lips wrapped around my cock."  That's newsworthy, isn't it?  

Read the Press Release Here.

Let me me know why you think the release was denied because I really have no idea.

Here it is:

Greg Groovie, Author of Wee Wee’s World, makes no apologies to anybody including minorities, LGBT’s, and the elderly for the highly offensive content in the psychologically damaging dark horror comedy novel.  Oh yeah, this is definitely newsworthy.

Groovie wrote the novel because he got tired of the same old boring regurgitated shit he keeps reading in other novels.  “Too much detail, and not enough story,” Groovie said. 

Here’s a statement that Groovie made about the book:

“Wee Wee's World is a psychological horror novel about the relationship between Leonard Litkovitz and his killer ventriloquist dummy son, Wee Wee.  When writing this novel, I wanted to write something that stood out from all the other meaningless drivel that is out there.  This story cuts right to the chase and doesn't hold anything back.  It is irreverent, offensive, immoral, and downright filthy in some areas, but I make no apologies for it.  If you don't like it, piss off.  Otherwise, enjoy the ride.”

“Now I know that sound kind of harsh, but keep in mind that this is a horror novel, so you should expect those things mentioned above.  There’s a lot of spontaneous humor that goes along with the offensive content too,” says Groovie.

Early in the book there’s a chapter about a homosexual who tries to get Leonard to give him a blow job.  He says to Leonard, “I’d love to feel your lips wrapped around my cock.”  Groovie interjects, “Does that statement sound familiar, all you homos?”  Leonard reacts by stabbing the faggot’s penis until it’s shredded beef.  Groovie adds, “I hate to say this, but let’s call a spade a spade.  If a homosexual can take another man’s package in his rear end, how’s it possible that anything I write about could be offensive?  I mean, chances are, if you’re homosexual you or one of your friends probably rubbed your leg against some poor bastard’s leg in a Jacuzzi who’s having an identity crisis, am I right?  And you probably tried to take advantage of him.  Am I right?  Of course I’m right?  It’s human nature.  Look, I have nothing against homosexuals.  I have friends who are homosexual.  No problem, just stay in your own lane.  To my credit, and I don’t need to add this, but when I was younger I had a bad experience with a homosexual.  I had an identity crisis at the time and got taken advantage of.  Don’t worry, I take responsibility for the part I played.  Anyway, I turned that experience into a chapter in the book.  No hard feelings, right?”

Just to show that Groovie is impartial to homosexuals, in the latter part of the novel, Wee Wee invites Leonard into a dream.  A group of elderly men and women in their 80’s and 90’s are circled around Wee Wee.  They’re all in wheel chairs.  It’s Wee Wee’s make a last wish foundation, and these elderly folks made this last wish:  Before getting euthanized by Wee Wee, each person gets to suck his 10” schlong.  “Dr. Kevorkian would have been proud of that chapter.  My intent is not to offend elderly folks.  Heck, maybe you’d like a chair in Wee Wee’s circle when it’s time to make your last wish,” added Groovie.

Groovie finished with this comment.  “You’ll find the offensiveness against more minorities when you read the book, but take it lightly.  It is a horror novel, after all.  You can get your copy of it at Amazon, Kindle, or Goodreads.  And remember, don’t lose your sense of humor.”

And that’s a wrap.

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Critique of Roberta Smith's Review of Richard Gerstl and His Art

Read my entertaining article about Roberta Smith's art review of the brilliant Richard Gerstl